Probably the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve dealt with since I started doing music again isn’t stage fright, oh no. It’s sending a message to my mailing list.

I’ve been on the web for awhile now, so I know most of the etiquette: keep it brief, don’t send HTML email, don’t be a pest, wrap your text, honor privacy. On top of that, I try to keep it light: no rants, no politics, just stick to what’s going on. Sometimes I spend hours composing an email, poring over everything to ensure I don’t come across too much like a nutcase or snake oil salesman, stripping out or rewording anything that might be unclear or misconstrued. And I still make mistakes. Yesterday I sent out a message dated March 2004. That’s embarrassing, but it doesn’t compare to the mild terror that comes from finally clicking “send.”

First come the bounces. There’s always a handful of addresses don’t exist anymore (or maybe never existed), or were mistyped, or have mailboxes that are full. Or, maybe they’ve been bounced by a spam blocker. There’s really no way to know for sure. I’d say I lose between five and ten subscribers a month due to stale, incorrect and blackholed addresses. It sucks, but there’s really nothing that can be done.

And then, inevitably, a handful of unsubscribers. I know not to take it personally, but I can’t help but have a knee-jerk “was it something I said?” reaction. It’s okay, I’m cool with it, but it’s disheartening after spending a good chunk of time trying to play by the rules, trying to be better than most of the spam-pimping garbage weasels out there. I mean, I’m not peddling Cialis or anything.

It’s okay. I can deal. It’s not personal.

Right?

I’m only mentioning this because I know of bands who have no clue how to use a mailing list. They add me to their lists without asking me, happily spam me every week with show dates I can’t attend because they’re 2000 miles away, spam me when they get mentioned in some newspaper or website I’ve never heard of, spam me with huge embedded images that crash my email reader because they don’t realize (or care) that sending a 1.5MB header graphic is a Bad Idea. If only I were that ignorant. I want to tell these people: stop hurting us. Because eventually someone gets pissed off enough and blacklists your email server — which you share with several hundred other musicians and bands. Suddenly, no one can email anyone, not even the good guys, and the world is a suckier place.

Thus endeth the ramble. If you’re a Demo Club subscriber, thanks — and remember, every email you receive from me was probably preceded by a little whispered prayer and a whole lot of nervous nail biting.

Man, I’d never make it in marketing. I’d be eaten alive.

Previously: Dear Digital Music Websites…

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