Rolling to a stop
I’m writing this just a few hours after a show at the Tractor Tavern with Explone, so this might not actually be me but residual post-gig adrenaline in the driver’s seat.
I want to note here that I’ll very likely look back on 2010 as one of my most musically active years. Explone released a record; Kirby Krackle also released a record, wrote a commisioned song for Marvel and flew all over the place performing at comic-cons; I myself released two EPs and a bunch of instrumentals, and also began co-writing on that secret project that is still gaining momentum. I’ve been incredibly lucky to fall in with such a top-shelf crowd of artists and human beings.
Despite all that, something bugs me. I haven’t played a live solo gig in ages. Since May 2009, in fact. And for better or for worse, I’m not feeling compelled to play live much anymore.
Let me unpack that: I like playing live. A lot. Explone and KK provide me plenty of stage time. What I’m liking less is all the overhead that goes along with gigging. The phone calls, the emails, the requisite begging and pleading to get a booking, and then the requisite begging and pleading to get people to put aside their Netflix and video games and child-rearing duties and come to the show.
Those parts have never been fun, but now there’s a twist: I don’t think I need it the way I used to. Maybe my ego doesn’t require the validation of a live audience as it once did. Recently I’ve been much more content to simply write, record and release songs, and skip the playing out part.
After the release party for Save You From Yourself back in summer 2008, Dennis, Suzanne and I discussed the possibility of doing more shows together. But excitement for that idea dried up as time passed and I continued to Just. Not. Book. Shows. I still feel a bit terrible about that, but I think there was an additional factor in play: mentally, I had crossed a finish line. The record was done and had sold a bunch of copies. The show was a success and was now over.
I had set goals and achieved them. Yay! Now what? You can only spend so many Fridays crammed in a corner with a decrepit PA with missing cables, trying to be heard above the grind of the espresso machine, before you realize that maybe this isn’t actually a path but an endless loop.
Ah, but live shows are where the money’s at, right? Yes. I can tell you for certain that, in my experience, I have earned more cash as a musician performing live, than from selling CDs or MP3s. Orders-of-magnitude more. But still not enough to feel like I’m leaving money on the table when I’m not gigging.
I would “do music” even if there were no money in it. What I miss is the serendipity that comes from entertaining people.
I guess what I want to get across here is:
- I miss playing
- but really only the “playing” part, and
- I don’t know what to do about that
Overall, I guess it’s a good thing, because I still get to make music more-or-less undistracted. But it’s hard not to feel a little low and bewildered as I grapple with this idea that maybe I’m just not that guy anymore.
This.
I haven’t done a show since 2009, and I’ve essentially been done with regular gigging since 2006. And I don’t regret a moment of it. The feeling of getting in front of a great crowd and delivering a great show is hard to beat, but more often the crowd sucks and/or I suck. The amount of work that goes into it all just isn’t worth it.
Online is where it’s at for me.
[...] Scott’s rolling to a stop on his solo live playing. I think that’s cool, I started to weigh in with a comment on my own struggle with playing live but it got too huge so here it is: [...]
I know exactly what you’re going through Scott. My last live show was in 2008. In fact I ended with a cover of Holding Back, (hope you don’t mind). There are so many artists/bands clamouring to play the few venues that book original artists that as you say, the begging and harassing promoters is just such a pain.
I say stick with getting you’re playing out jollies from KK and Explone but don’t give up on the solo music, we all love to hear a new Scott Andrew tune once in a while ;-)
Josh, I gotta say, I’m really impressed with what you’ve done with video over the past year or two. I’m seriously considering doing a lot more. It’s probably the next best thing to actually playing a gig and would actually reach the majority of my fans. I’ve given up on video a few times because it was a hassle to create but the tools have gotten a lot better.
Steve, I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing and I can’t imagine that I’ll never do a solo gig again. But yeah, wotta pain. Every sizable city is overflowing with musicians and I’m kind of used to that.
Gigging used to be so exciting! Even the small corner-of-a-shop gigs. I’m just bummed that I seem to have misplaced that excitement somewhere…
Like Josh above, I stopped performing live in the “real world” back in mid-2005 when I took it all on-line. In my case, it was into the virtual world known as “Second Life.” Without leaving my home, I literally perform to a world-wide audience of people who (a) prefer original music and (b) can actually hear and enjoy the lyrics. I no longer have to carry and set up my equipment, do the tear down, get the word out, and be away from my family.
The experience is, to me, an interesting cross between performing on the radio (with no audience feedback), doing an intimate show in someone’s home or a small shop and, interestingly enough, busking.
You might consider giving it a try sometime.
Niko
I played my last gig August 2009 and haven’t missed the hours of driving and hanging around.
I’ve compensated for the feeling of loss that’s begun to grow by carrying a battered old nylon string most places I go and having a sing song with a pile of covers (I did a lot of that to make ends meet).
When its all said and done though, and with all the associated hassle, its hard to beat live music on any level – and the covers thing gets people singing along which is what the energy transferance is about.
Now, if my originals were well-known enough to sing along to……
Keep up the great work Scott.
John
Bummer.
Even though I’m older than all of you put together, I’m pretty early in my musical career. I’m primarily a writer, but I love looking someone in the eye and singing. I can’t do that with video.
I worry that before I have 10 fans, let alone 1000, it’ll be time to shuffle off this mortal coil and I’ll never have played enough music.